When you tell your friends and family that you are considering a divorce, you will be greeted with mixed reactions. Some will be relieved, others will be surprised, still others will try to talk you out of it. You will be bombarded with divorce advice. While most of it is well-meaning, there is some advice that you should take with a grain of salt, and some that you should absolutely ignore completely until you have talked with a qualified New Jersey divorce lawyer.
Advice on Child Custody
Well-meaning family members and friends might encourage you to fight for custody of your children or give you suggestions about time sharing arrangements. They may even advise you of ways to keep the child away from the other parent. Don’t follow any advice that suggests “destroying” the other parent or their relationship with the children. This will hurt everyone involved.
People who suggest you fight for custody do so from a comfortable position. They don’t have to deal with attorney’s fees, conflicts, court appearances and the ensuing loss of trust with your former spouse. Trust your own instincts and take this advice with a grain of salt.
Advice on Financial Settlements
Family members often advise divorcing spouses to “take him to the cleaners” or to hide assets, freeze accounts or otherwise cripple the other partner financially. This will ultimately cost you, and is often an indication that there are unresolved feelings of anger and resentment bubbling under the surface.
Take into account the motives of the people giving the advice. Did they suffer a bad divorce and still harbor ill feelings toward their former spouse? If so, they could be projecting those thoughts onto you. Follow your gut and work to come to a fair settlement and move on quickly. Thank your well-meaning friends and family for their advice but make your own decision.
When you announce your split, you will get plenty of divorce advice, some good, some bad. Make the decisions that are right for you and your family and first and foremost discuss your options with a New Jersey divorce attorney.