After the divorce, it is every couple’s intention to stay courteous and amicable with their ex. In fact, many times, it’s even written in the divorce decree that everyone is to be polite and that contact can be free and encourage throughout their children’s lives. For many, however; staying friends with an ex can set up unrealistic expectations for you, the other party and the children you both share. Here are a few reasons staying friends is harder than you might think:
Setting up false hope with your children: Your children are used to having two parents living together under the same roof. Even though you might have explained that you and the other parent are no longer going to be a traditional family, the hope continues to live there as long as you two remain very close friends. That’s because children don’t understand how two people who seem friendly enough can’t wind up back together again – even if a new partner has been introduced.
Depending on the ex for emotional support: Far too often the boundaries of what’s acceptable in a divorced relationship and what’s causing further anxiety gets blurred when you’re trying to remain friends with a partner. That’s because as much as you’d like to continue depending on your ex, they’re not responsible for your emotional or physical well-being any longer – which hurts when they fail to provide it as a friend.
New relationships feel threatened: It doesn’t matter how many times you tell a new partner that it’s only mutual, platonic friendship, knowing you’re extremely friendly with your ex is going to be a major hurdle for even the most understanding individual. That’s because whether they like it or not, they understand that at one point there was more than a mutual feeling – threatening their very relationship with the “what if” of it returning.
Setting unrealistic expectations: If there is one individual in the relationship who has even the slightest hope that they can rekindle the spark they once had, it’s only going to hurt them badly in the long run should that not happen. Many times, having a platonic friendship can put emotional strain on the partner waiting for a second chance, which can cause intense conflict down the road should that not occur (or should you introduce a new partner into the situation.