Far too often the past can rear its ugly head in the middle of a conversation – but it’s important to remember that bringing up disagreements and discussions aren’t beneficial to anyone. In fact, making the decision to discuss only the children can alleviate the stress from both parties.
Determine the best contact methods
If you’re both known for blowing up over the phone, stay clear of this method of contact until you can both learn to talk politely. Take the time to determine which type of contact is going to work well for both of you – whether that’s email, phone, text message or social media.
Discuss as adults not with children
Don’t include your children in your communication – especially if you might say something disparaging about your ex. As a parent, you need to make the decision to have open communication with your partner – which shouldn’t include your children under any circumstance.
Take a breather
If your contact is getting you agitated, make sure you take the time to separate and collect your thoughts before continuing the conversation. Many times, parenting needs to be about give or take, not about trying to make the other parent look bad. Take the time to discuss important matters privately – without your children around.
Have a third party
While a third party can make things seem like a cat and mouse game, for parents who simply can’t see eye-to-eye, it can be a useful tool in learning to communicate together. Ask a mutual friend to sit down with the two of you and help the conversation progress to a resolution. Do not use this if you believe either partner wants to play “right and wrong”.
Learn to let go
Many times, old emotions can be hard to move past – especially if the divorce is still raw. While you’re entitled to feel hurt, it’s not beneficial to your children. Pretend that your ex is simply a co-worker who’s trying to parent your children effectively and don’t stray from that communication.