With the high divorce rate in the 21st century, thousands of children are forced to endure the stress of divorce every year. Some cope better with divorce than others depending on their personalities, ages, and the circumstances that preceded the parents’ separation.
The Best Ways to Help Your Child
Divorce will affect all children in one way or another with the initial reaction often being one of frustration, anger, worry, sadness, or shock. On the other hand children can emerge from the divorce better able to handle stress and could possibly even become young adults who are quite flexible and tolerant.
There are several very important things the parents need to do in order to help the children cope with the events of the divorce such as:
- Avoiding arguments, visible conflict, and any legal discussions in front of the children
- Ensure all disruptions to the children’s daily routines are minimal
- Avoid showing any negativity or assignment of blame in front of the children—discuss those things in private therapy sessions or with friends when you are away from the home
- Make sure both parents remain involved in the children’s lives
- Avoid using your children as a support system—they should not be involved in any personal issues with your ex
Be Honest with the Children
One of the most important things you can do for your children is to be honest with them and let them know about your decision to separate as soon as you make a definite decision. The news won’t be easy to break, but one thing you don’t want to do is allow anger, blame, or guilt to enter into the conversation. Take time to practice telling the children so you can avoid becoming angry or upset.
If your children fail to react right away, impress upon them their reaction is fine, and you will talk to them whenever they are willing to open up. Some children believe they will please their parents if they try to deny any feelings of anger or sadness when finding out their parents will no longer be living together. Regardless of the reaction of the children to the separation and divorce, they need you to be honest with them about the changes that will take place in their daily lives. They will depend on you to ease their fears and reassure them they were not to blame.