One of the most difficult parts of the divorce process is breaking the news to your children. That is not to say there is anything that is easy about divorce, there isn’t. But for many, telling the children is the part which they dread the most.
Everyone’s situation is going to be different and your particular circumstances may dictate when you tell the children. Depending on your current relationship with your spouse, the children may already have a feeling that something is wrong. If that is the case, you may feel the need to have this discussion with them sooner rather than later to avoid the anxiety associated with not knowing.
If you can avoid it, it may be best to wait until there is a parenting plan in place. The children are going to have many questions and your ability to answer these questions will go a long way to giving them a sense of stability and security.
The worry associated with uncertainty can sometimes make everything that much more difficult for children just like it does adults. By being prepared to answer these questions and show the children that mom and dad have made them a priority, you will be able to alleviate much of that stress.
If you are going through the collaborative divorce process, the collaborative team is there to help you with both developing a parenting plan and understanding the best way to tell the children. The divorce coach and/or child specialist has extensive experience in these matters.
Finally, plan a time to tell your children when you can do it together if at all possible. It is also important to ensure that there are no distractions and that you’ve chosen a safe and private place. It may be a very difficult and emotional conversation and no one wants to receive news like that in the presence of others. Also make sure that you have plenty of time to answer their questions and provide assurance that although mom and dad may be getting divorced, you will still be a family. You were not divorcing the children.