Divorce is never easy on anyone whether it be family or close friends. Those likely to be the most vulnerable at this time are teenagers, especially if the parents are frequently arguing or if there are allegations of infidelity. It’s essential to treat the subject in a way that will allow them to build and maintain deep and lasting future relationships rather than allowing the divorce to destroy them and ruin any possible lasting relationships.
Approaching the Subject
When you begin to realize your marriage is ending and divorce is a certainty, you know discussing the subject with your teenager is going to be extremely difficult. The task is hard enough when the children are younger, but with teenagers in the family you will find yourself faced with completely different questions. It is essential for parents to know the best way to approach the subject including how much to share.
How Much Do They Need to Know?
While it can be tempting to provide teenagers with more adult details because of their ages, this is not always the best idea. Even though they may have a better understanding of what divorce means, too many details can be even more burdensome for teenagers than it is for little ones who have no understanding of its meaning. There is no need to provide your teen the details of your separation; those should remain private.
If the relationship is ending due to infidelity or unfaithfulness, both teenagers and other children should not be privy to this information. Some information related to the parents’ relationship with one another is not the business of the children. You only need to tell them that sometimes adults grow apart and are unable to maintain the close relationship they had at one time. Let them know your love for them is consistent and unconditional and will remain so.
Helping Teenagers Move Forward
Teenagers are at a very vulnerable time in their lives, the time when they are forming the entire foundation for all future relationships. The way you speak to and act toward your spouse will have a huge impact on these future relationships. These actions will help formulate your teen’s attitude toward romantic relationships, so you need to be able to place a boundary between how you feel toward your spouse and the way you project yourself as a parent. It can be damaging to your relationship with your teen if you make him or her feel the need to choose one parent over the other.
You want to make a concentrated effort to share the divorce plans in a way that ensures your teen can move forward. Only you can guarantee your children can move forward and maintain a healthy attitude about love and relationships.