Blog

5 Simple Ways to Improve Communication with Your Ex

When you’re divorced, it can seem like communicating with your ex is nearly impossible at times. After all, there was a reason you got divorced (regardless of what that reason was); so don’t try to assume that everything moving forward is going to be simple and easy. Co-parenting children together can be difficult at times, but it’s important to remember that at the end of the day, working toward the common goal of raising your children should be the top priority. Here are five simple techniques you can use to improve the communication between the two of you. It’s important to remember that the animosity between you and your ex needs to stay between you and your ex. This is especially true when trying to co-parent together; sometimes it’s hard to separate the feelings for your ex with the relationship with your children’s parent. Remember that no matter what happens, you’re going to have to deal with each other until the children are at least 18 years old. Keep Issues You Have Away From Kids Never bring your children into a disagreement – especially if you can’t say anything nice about your ex. Bringing up or saying negative things about the other parent makes children feel as though they have to choose between the two of you. Remember that children have a right to have a relationship with both parents, so keep your negativity out of earshot. Children are Not Messengers Keep your children away from adult conversations or disagreements. While your child might travel back and forth between households, it’s not fair to expect them to get involved in any conflict you might have; especially if that involves custody or support. If you have an issue that needs to be addressed, contact your partner directly via email or telephone. Treat Your Ex Like a Business Arrangement Make the agreement to keep a professional, business-like approach to corresponding with each other – even if it’s increasingly difficult. The focus of your correspondence should be the children, and nothing but the children. Speak clearly, talk slowly and make sure you keep your voice level to a minimum while speaking. Bite Your Tongue One of the hardest things in co-parenting is learning to pick your “battles” carefully. Although it’s easy to get under someone’s skin, try to let the small things between the relationship go. While you might not agree with everything that happens within their household, it’s important to remember that you have absolutely no say or control in how things are run – so getting upset isn’t going to change anything.

5 Simple Ways to Improve Communication with Your Ex Read More »

Collaborative Divorce Allows Couples to End Their Marriage with Dignity

When you’ve decided to divorce, one of the first things that come to mind isn’t always about the emotional freedom you’ll achieve from the separation – it’s the expensive cost and emotional toll the proceedings are going to have on your life. That’s because for the thousands of couples who have gone through the same situation, traditional court cases have led them down this path – feeling angry, hurt and financially strapped when everything is over. Collaborative Divorce Works Toward a Common Goal Collaborative divorce works to separate the issues at hand between two parties, especially when both people want to simply move on with their lives – instead of trying to place blame and fight about past issues. Unlike traditional divorce proceedings, collaborative divorce has all parties working on the same side—towards a mutual goal. Instead of focusing on the fight between both of you, both individuals agree to set aside their differences and work together on resolving any issues. Seeking Resolution Instead of Placing Blame By working together (each with a respective legal representative) both parties decide to make decisions based on what’s best for the two of them – instead of pushing into a hurtful game of “attack the other party”. By trying to resolve problems, both parties are able to move past the past issues and stick with the common goal of moving on with a new beginning. Legal Counsel Work For a Common Goal Having hired legal counsel members who are committed to helping both parties come up with a resolution works to keep past issues from resurfacing; this helps keep the attention on the items and issues at hand, instead of working against each other in an attempt of playing a right versus wrong mentality. By working together, both legal counsel parties attempt to keep the conversations progressing; instead of hashing out unkind, hurtful or angry comments in a legal battle. Removing the Fighting to Resolve the Issues Keeping these issues to a minimum, collaborative divorce works to remove the negativity from the divorce, helping both parties achieve what they want from the separation collectively – which can leave both parties feeling “whole” or happy with the terms. Having mutually acceptable terms means there will be less negativity when the divorce is finalized – giving both parties the feeling of closure at the end, instead of hurt and resentment.

Collaborative Divorce Allows Couples to End Their Marriage with Dignity Read More »

Successfully Co-Parenting After Divorce

Divorce can be a major upheaval in the lives of divorcing couples and their children. There are, however, ways to make the transition easier on everyone involved. Co-parenting is a way that you can allow your children to enjoy a sense of security and stability even when their parents are parting ways. Chances are great that you will have to have ongoing contact with your former spouse following your divorce. It is important to treat this new relationship with your ex partner with as much finesse and care that you can muster. There will no doubt be disagreements and arguments that you two need to work out. The key is to manage these disagreements so that you can focus on doing what is best for your children. Developing Co-Parenting Strategies that Work In order to make co-parenting work, you and your former spouse will need to create a plan that will work for you and your children. The plan you create will depend heavily on the ages and needs of your children. Be sure to create a plan that you can stick to throughout their childhood. Be Flexible While your plan to co-parent should be feasible for the long term, it is beneficial to be flexible in your dealings with the other parent. There are times when you will need to adjust your parenting schedule to fit the current needs of your family, and the key to success is being flexible and cooperative. Create a parenting time schedule that will make provisions for alternative arrangements if they are needed. Involve the Children Don’t leave the children in the dark about your co-parenting plans. Let them know that even though their parents are divorcing, they will still be able to have a meaningful relationship with both Mom and Dad. Allow them to have input in the co-parenting schedule if they are old enough to do so. When it comes to successfully co-parenting after divorce, cooperation and flexibility is key.

Successfully Co-Parenting After Divorce Read More »

The Surprising Upsides to Divorce

Few people get married expecting to get a divorce. Most couples likely assume that they will be the ones to beat the odds, to have the relationship that stands the test of time. Unfortunately, the high rates of divorce tell a different story. There are silver linings when it comes to the cloud of divorce, and many people recover from this upheaval in their lives. The Best Things About Getting a Divorce Divorce can be a new beginning. While one chapter of your life is closing, another one is starting. Divorce can be your opportunity to tackle new projects that you didn’t have time for when you were married, travel the world and indulge in your favorite hobbies. Think of your divorce as a clean slate and a chance to start over, wiser and more experienced. Divorce can boost happiness. If your marriage was particularly acrimonious, divorce can seem like a welcome relief. Splitting with your partner will give you the opportunity to find peace alone or to seek out a more loving relationship with a more compatible partner. For some people, divorce is the best thing that could have happened for their lives. Many people worry about what divorce will do to their children and their sense of security. Children are quite resilient and can adapt to a variety of situations. The key is to be consistent, let the children know what to expect and work together with your former partner. One of the benefits of divorce that involves children is the opportunity to make new traditions in your family. You can involve the children in the creation of new routines and give them a new sense of family and future. Divorce can give you freedom. Many people give up certain dreams when they get married. Now is the time to live your dream of becoming a singer or building a home in the woods. With divorce, you’ve been given a new start. Divorce doesn’t have to mean the end of your life. In fact, it may just be the beginning.

The Surprising Upsides to Divorce Read More »

Remaining Positive During Your Divorce

Few people enjoy divorce. While there has been a new trend in divorce parties that rival the festivities of weddings, most people view divorce as a period of loss. There are, however, ways to transform this feeling and remain optimistic. By following a few tips for staying positive during your divorce, you will be more likely to come through the process without long-lasting emotional harm. Keep the End in Sight In the midst of a heated divorce, many couples can only see the here and now. This can mean making decisions that will have negative repercussions down the line. Remember that, at the end of this process, you will be starting fresh with a brand new life and a world of possibilities. If the two of you have to raise children jointly, it is vital that you keep this in mind during your divorce. The more positive you remain, the easier it will be to co-parent. Get Support While it may feel safe to isolate yourself during your divorce, it will also mean missing out on valuable support systems. It is important to surround yourself with positive people who will encourage you in your goals and ambitions and help you to rebuild your life. Avoid associating with people who bring negativity and stress into your life. There are support groups that will allow you to interact with and share your journey with others who are also going through divorce. Find a Distraction Divorce can be all-consuming. For some, it occupies every facet of their lives, from work to home and interpersonal relationships. A constructive distraction like a new hobby, time with family or a new education opportunity can help you to remain positive during the process. By following a few tips for staying positive during your divorce, you can get through the process with your sanity intact.

Remaining Positive During Your Divorce Read More »

Common Emotions that Divorcing Spouses Experience

Divorce is rarely an easy event, and is an experience that most never believe will happen in their relationship. Experts have compared the process of splitting with a spouse as tantamount to the grief process that many experience after losing a loved one. The loss of this significant relationship can bring on a host of emotions, and knowing what to expect can make them easier to deal with. Sadness Most people expect to feel a certain degree of sadness when their marriage ends. There is a loss of the hope for the future of the relationship, the grief over losing a companion and sadness about the future. This is a normal emotion. If, however, you find your sadness does not go away and starts to affect other areas of your life, it is likely that you are experiencing depression. Seeking professional help may be necessary to recover from divorce grief. Anger One of the least commonly expected emotions is anger. If the relationship ended due to infidelity, there may be feelings of anger at your partner’s betrayal. This anger can be amplified if the former spouse has moved on to a new partner or is using the court system to get back at you. While it is normal to feel anger during a divorce, it is important to keep this anger in check so that you can move on quickly. Relief Many people feel relief after their marriage has ended. If the marriage was abusive, this relief is to be expected. Others feel optimism about the world of possibilities ahead of them without their spouse holding them back. Others are relieved that they no longer have to pretend to be happy for the benefit of friends and family. There are many emotions associated with divorce, from anger to relief. Find the right resources to deal with your divorce emotions and move on.

Common Emotions that Divorcing Spouses Experience Read More »

Divorce Counseling Can Help You Envision a Bright Future

Managing the conflicting emotions that often accompany divorce can be challenging for even the most resilient person. People going through divorce may be racked with guilt, crippled by grief and saddled with anxiety. Divorce counseling can help with these feelings and give you the tools you need to move forward with your life. Who Gets Divorce Counseling? Divorce is rarely a simple process, and even those who have been divorced more than once report stress during the split. There is no typical person who undergoes counseling. While women often choose counseling more than men, almost everyone who is going through a divorce will find counseling helpful in dealing with a range of emotions. Divorce counseling can help you to work through the normal emotions associated with divorce so that you can focus on the logistical tasks at hand that will allow you to successfully move on with your life. What Happens During Divorce Counseling? When you undergo counseling, your counselor will assess the current circumstances in your life and help you to set goals and look toward the future. Divorce grief can easily turn into depression and other negative outcomes, so it helps to get counseling during the divorce process and immediately after your split. Children often benefit from counseling as they may find it difficult to talk to their parents about what they are feeling. Undergoing counseling can help them to envision a future in which they feel secure and grounded. This will help them to avoid the often negative consequences that children of divorced parents face. When it comes to dealing with the stress and strain of divorce, counseling can help. Support groups, retreats and other group counseling services can not only arm you with coping tools but give you a social support network. Find the right counseling services today.

Divorce Counseling Can Help You Envision a Bright Future Read More »

What You Need to Know About Divorce and Children

It is easy to make mistakes when combining divorce and children.  Some tips can help you avoid mistakes, and make divorce easier for everyone. When you are planning to divorce, how your children are affected legally is one of your main concerns.  You want your children to have happy, healthy lives when you and your spouse are no longer together.  Arrangements for child custody, child support, and visitation must all be decided.  A divorce attorney or a family law attorney can help with arrangements that are in your children’s best interest. However, living arrangements and financial needs cover only one aspect of divorce and children.  Children are also affected emotionally when their parents decide to divorce.  While divorce is never easy for children, it does not have to be overly traumatic. Regardless of your children’s ages, they need emotional support during and after the divorce.  They need consistency and stability in their everyday lives.  The less disruption there is in their daily routines, the easier it will be for the children. In most cases, children benefit by having both parents in their lives.  They need to know their parents still love them, even when their parents divorce each other.  When both parents plan to take an active role in their lives, the better it will be for your children. Divorce and children can be easier when parents can divorce amicably.  If possible, you and your spouse should try to agree on arrangements that affect the children.  You should never use your children to get back at your spouse, or turn the children against the other parent. When amicable agreements cannot be reached, the attorneys can help.  Your attorney will take every relevant factor into consideration, and determine what is best for the children.  Legal representation is also useful if your spouse tries to take advantage of you. Children can be more affected by a divorce than their parents.  It is the responsibility of both parents to make divorce as easy as possible for the children.  Whether your divorce is amicable or bitter, the children’s needs and feelings should come first.

What You Need to Know About Divorce and Children Read More »

The Roles of Dads Following Divorce

When it comes to divorce, many couples are surprised at how their life changes after splitting with their spouse. Couples with children can find this transition even more of a challenge, but with the right amount of patience and planning, both spouses can work together to navigate life after divorce. Divorce and Dads If the children will live with their mother following the divorce, it is imperative that dads take every step possible to remain a positive force in their children’s lives. This means being proactive in getting involved in extracurricular activities, school events and medical appointments. Working together with your former spouse is key. Establishing a regular parenting time schedule and predictable routines will help to make this a reality. Not only will this help to cut down on conflict with the other parent, it will also give the children the security of predictability. Children Need Dads Too There have been numerous studies that suggest that children fare better in divorce if they have two active parents in their lives. Dads who live separately from their children often have to take additional steps to stay up to date on their children’s lives and keep themselves in the loop. Work together with your former spouse to ensure that your children have the best of both parents post-divorce. Single Dads Single dads that are raising children alone after divorce often have to navigate through unfamiliar territory. Some dads have to deal with managing the household finances, dealing with school issues and co-parenting duties while working full time. There are many support groups and organizations that are ready and willing to pitch in to help divorced dads give their children the best life possible. Single dads often find that having supportive family members and friends makes the process easier and can also help to make things run more smoothly for the children. When it comes to divorce, it can be a challenge to figure out the day-to-day tasks that make the process easier. With enough patience and preparation, both moms and dads can make the process easier for their children following a divorce.

The Roles of Dads Following Divorce Read More »

Divorce: Should You Stay Or Should You Go?

If you are considering getting a divorce, you must have had a battle in your head on whether you should go for it or not. If your spouse is considering divorce and you are surprised by the suggestion, you must have asked yourself where the idea came from. If you are in this situation, it is best to think things over before making any hasty decisions. According to experts, not many couples are truly ready for a divorce. And sometimes, even if the other one is ready for this process, the other just isn’t. Psychologists say that couples often make hasty decisions just to flee from a stressful situation. This leads to leaving a marriage without evaluating their feelings and without proper consideration of alternative options. You should ask yourself why you want to get a divorce and whether this is a sincere decision stemming from your evaluation of your own marriage or just a reactive decision. If it is just an emotional reaction to what is going on in your marriage, experts believe that there is a need to sit down and think about it. Making an emotionally charged decision is often wrong. These decisions usually do not last and you might end up regretting making them. You also need to ask yourself whether you’d be able to handle the consequences of your decision. One of the most difficult consequences is dealing with your emotions. One would have to anticipate feelings of vulnerability, hurt, loneliness, and inadequacy. If you are not ready to let go of your ex and know that you cannot deal with your children’s anger and sadness, then you are not ready to go through such a process. Your financial stability is also something you should take into consideration. Will you be able to maintain the lifestyle you have given to your children without your husband or your wife? Are you ready to end the marriage and take control of every aspect of your life? Experts believe that every couple should think things through before proceeding with legal action.

Divorce: Should You Stay Or Should You Go? Read More »