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Strategies For Easing The Pain of Divorce

When it comes to easing the pain of divorce, there is no single strategy that will work well for every individual. Being proactive in your efforts to start healing from this major and painful development, however, is the very first step towards regaining a sense of normalcy in your life. When minor children are involved, this can also be an important part of protecting their emotions, allowing them to vent and encouraging them to start moving beyond their pain. Reflect On Your Reasons For Divorcing It helps to spend some time reflecting on the reasons why you and your partner have opted to separate. Recognizing that things just weren’t working out and that the two of you have the best chance at being healthy and happy apart is important. This will give you a chance to start grieving what’s been lost, rather than thinking of ways that you can salvage what might be unsalvageable. Acceptance is essential for moving forward. If minor children are involved, try explaining your reasons for divorcing in a way that they can understand. Surround Yourself With Family And Friends Many people choose to go through this process alone. It is far better, however, to surround yourself with family and friends. These will be your best allies in easing the pain of divorce for both you and your children. They can offer shoulders to cry on and give you reasons to laugh through your tears. Take Up A New Hobby A new start requires new interests and a new sense of direction. This is a good time for every member of the household to take up new interests. Taking part in a sport, a cooking or painting class or dance instruction will fill your time and keep your mind off of your pain. Although reflecting on this major change is necessary for moving through the stages of grieving that divorce often entails, it is also important to give yourself plenty of peace and time to heal both mentally and emotionally. In this way, leading an active lifestyle can sometimes expedite the healing process.

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How Divorce Affects Children

Perhaps one of the biggest questions for couples is whether they should get a divorce or stay together for the kids. This is definitely an important question and should be considered by both parents. It is important to note though that while children with parents who are together often do better than children from broken homes; high-conflict marriages won’t do children any good. For those who are taking into consideration the emotional effects of the divorce on their children, there is a workaround. This can be done by making the marriage as low-conflict as possible. Experts suggest that couples should go through counseling and try fix their marriage before resorting to the dissolution of marriage. The United States has seen a surge in divorce rates since the early 20th century. While divorce is a legal act, it involves a lot of emotions. This experience is also said to be more painful for the children than the adults involved. Psychologists say, couples going through a divorce regain their psychological equilibrium as time goes by but it is debatable whether children actually pull through from such an experience. In fact, it increases the possibility of the kids suffering from behavioral and even psychological problems later on. One must note though that if divorced parents do their jobs right, their children can become more resilient and relatively have “normal” childhoods. But even if parents manage the divorce in a peaceful way and create a stress-free environment for their children, it does not mean that their children will not experience or keep remembering painful memories. In a study done by Laumann-Billings and Emery, college students whose parents are divorced feel that they would have been different people if their parents stayed together. Almost half of the students interviewed also reported that they worry whenever both of their parents attend important events. This is usually because of the conflict between mom and dad. According to the same study, 18 percent of the students also felt doomed because of thoughts that they will repeat their parents’ problems.

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Useful Divorce Tips To Help You Get Through The Holiday Season

Newly divorced people may be faced with challenges when the holiday season arrives. Going through a divorce is tough enough, but it tends to be even more difficult during the holiday season. Here are some divorce tips for those who have just gone through a divorce, and these tips will help you get through the holiday months. New Traditions and Rituals Should Be Created Some people have a habit of sticking with the same old family tradition, as it brings a level of comfort. However, for some people, doing this can create an overwhelming feeling. Some people create new traditions and rituals, as it helps them adjust to the changes. Other people celebrate the holidays with their friends or family, or they decide to travel to a new place they have never been to. Pick the ritual that makes you happy and just do it. Create A Support System You should develop a support system, which can include your family and friends. A good support system can help you get through the holiday season, and it will help you feel less lonely. Your spirits may be lifted when you have a good support system. If the divorce happened recently, having a good support system should still help you. Volunteer If you volunteer your time and help those who are less fortunate, you will find your spirits lifted, especially during the holiday season. There are a lot of charities that could use the extra help around the holidays, and they will welcome you with open arms. Plus, you will help lift others’ spirits. The Gift of Healing Treat yourself to the peace of mind that you get to start fresh. You get to start a new chapter of your life, and there is a whole new world for you to explore. In other words, don’t forget about yourself and give yourself the gift of healing, and do the things that make you happy. Dealing with a divorce can be messy, but the post divorce effects does not have to be that bad. Useful divorce tips can help you get through the holiday season.

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Divorce And Children: What You Should Know

Deciding to break things off with your partner is rarely easy to do, and this is especially true when you have children with them. However, there are some tips and advice that can help you make things easier, when it comes to divorce and children. Agree To Be Cooperative A good way to deal with divorce and children is by agreeing to be cooperative with your former partner. This means you and your former spouse will have to bend on certain issues from time-to-time, and sometimes you will need to bite your tongues, but in the long-run, it will make things much easier for you and your kids. Create And Stick With A Schedule And Routine If the court system is helping you in the divorce, you might have to have a schedule of parenting time that the court sets out for you. However, if you don’t, then you should create a schedule that will help you and your former partner avoid conflict, as well as keep things transparent with your former partner. Your kids will be comforted with set routines and ritual, which will provide them with security and stability. Learn How to Detach In many divorces, there are feelings of hurt and resentment afterwards, and this can keep you and your partner from moving further. You should try to detach yourself from negative emotions that relate to the split, and just consider yourself a brand new person. You should thing of your former partner as your co-worker or business partner, and your jobs are to make your kids’ life enjoyable. Don’t Lie Or Hide Things From Your Kids Don’t lie to your kids. Be honest with them and tell them what is happening, but do so in an age-appropriate manner. Don’t try to shield them from the divorce, as this can cause negative emotions to be felt by your kids. Divorce can feel like the worse thing in the world, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world for your kids. Try to work together with your former spouse, and everyone involved will find it easier.

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Divorce Support Groups Help Heal After a Split

If you are going through a divorce, it may seem like you are alone and nobody understands your pain. There is often a mix of emotions in a divorce, from grief to anger, guilt and even relief. Sharing your thoughts and feelings in a divorce support group is a good way to relieve some of the pain of a marital split. Divorce Support Groups for Men Men offer suffer in silence in a divorce and are less likely to seek outside help or counseling to deal with their grief. Some may turn to substance abuse or other destructive activities to lessen the effects of a marital split. Divorce support groups for men help former husbands overcome their grief and move on to a place of healing and happiness. These support groups connect men with others who have suffered the same fate, and can help men to recover from divorce quicker. Divorce Support Groups for Women It is not uncommon for women to seek out the company of others when going through pain and grief, and women’s divorce support groups are more popular than ever. These groups often talk about the challenges of raising children alone, the financial struggles that women face and the difficulty in dating after divorce. These groups are excellent for women who find that it is difficult to adjust to their new single life without support. These groups are great for making new friends, sharing resources and becoming social again. Talking through your feelings following your split can help you to move on quicker and start to feel better about your new single status. Support groups offer a supportive and non-judgemental environment that allows you to overcome your negative feelings and start looking forward to the next chapter in your life. Find a divorce support group today.

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Dealing With Housing Challenges Post Divorce

Divorce can bring about a slew of new life changes, from forming a new social life to dealing with parenting challenges and managing finances as a single person. One of the biggest challenges most divorced people face is how to settle housing arrangements. Planning to move into a new home post-divorce is an issue that many separating couples face. You are Moving Out If you are the spouse that is moving out, there are several factors to consider. As part of your divorce settlement, you may have to pay for the costs of the upkeep of the marital home. If this is the case, these debts will affect how much money you have available for post-marriage housing. Buying a house after a divorce can be tricky. Your lender will want to see that you have the ability to repay the mortgage. Alimony and child support can be used to bolster your financial picture, but only if these payments are made regularly. If your former spouse falls behind on the payments, your lender may not allow you to use them as income to buy a home. Lenders typically want to see three to six months of on-time payments in order to count this income. You Remain in the Home If you are the spouse who remains in the home, there are several factors to consider. The cost of maintaining the home may be your total responsibility, even if your former spouse is making payments toward the upkeep. It can often be a challenge to take on the tasks of home repairs, cleaning and maintenance on your own, so be prepared to tackle these tasks head on. Hiring outside help is often a good way to manage a home on your own after a divorce. Housing is a major factor to consider when you are splitting from your spouse. By being prepared, you will be better able to meet these challenges.

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Surprising Things About Life After Divorce

Getting a divorce can mean making major life adjustments all at once. While some of these adjustments are expected, there are some that take many divorcees by surprise. There are a few things that most people don’t consider until they are facing these issues head on. The most unexpected things about life after divorce can be frustrating, confusing and sometimes comical. Travel is Tricky Travel post-divorce can be a challenge for both men and women, but women often run into several sticky issues when it comes to single travel. If you travel before you get a chance to change your name on your identity documents, you may face hassles when trying to buy airline tickets, board cruise ships or book hotels. Change your passport and identification immediately after you legally change your name. Travel can also be more expensive for the newly divorced. On cruise ships, for example, the tickets are priced for double occupancy, so you may have to pay double or a single supplement if you travel alone. The same applies to sightseeing tours, safaris and other travel events. Dating is Different Depending on your age and how long you were married, the dating landscape may be completely different. With dating apps, text message etiquette and the new “rules” of dating, it can seem that finding a romantic partner means re-learning everything you have learned about life. While this can be frustrating, remember that there are plenty of other newly divorced singles out there who can relate to exactly what you are going through. Finding one of them can mean an instant kinship. Your Relationship With Your Former Spouse Changes Most people expect their relationship with their former spouse to change, but few people expect a change for the better. Now free of your obligation as partners, it may become easier to become friends. Life after divorce can be alien. By understanding these changes, you will be better able to navigate your new world.

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The Key to Parenting After Divorce

Divorce can be hard on separating couples, but it can be absolute devastation for the children involved. Parenting after divorce is one of the hardest parts of separating from your spouse, but it is possible. By remaining flexible and cooperative, you can give your child the best life possible. It’s Not About You You may hard feelings toward the other parent. They may be the worst spouse on the planet and an even worse human being. For now, however, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that your children love both of their parents and they desperately need you two to work together. If you have feelings of anger toward the other parent, channel them into other areas so that you can do what is best for your children. Be Flexible There is no way to predict every eventuality in the life of a child. Even though there may be a parenting time order in place, you must be flexible and able to work with the other parent in case of scheduling changes. Flexibility will not only make things easier on you as parents, but on the child as well. Remember that children’s needs change as they get older, and you must be willing to adapt to meet these needs. Be Clear and Firm If you are parenting with a former spouse that is vindictive or spiteful, it is imperative that you are clear on your expectations and that you remain firm to your convictions. Being firm yet flexible requires a delicate balancing act that is essential for co-parenting. Coach a Winning Team Parenting is a team sport. It is essential that everyone on the team—parents, grandparents, extended family and friends—work together so that the children can win. Parenting after divorce can be hard. Make it easier by putting the children first.

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The Best Things About Divorce

While most people think of divorce as a negative event in a person’s life, others see things differently. For some, divorce is the best thing that ever happened to them. The best things about divorce are often some of the most overlooked. Keeping these positives in mind can help you to get through your split with your sanity intact. New-found Freedom For some, marriage can be constricting and stifling. It can be a time of restraint, and of sacrificing the things you really want out of life. Many people embark on trips around the world, others go back and get the education they’ve always wanted. Still others get a complete makeover, lose weight and totally change their appearance. Divorce is a new chapter in your life and you get to start with blank pages. Improved Finances Although divorce can be draining on the bank account, you will eventually recover from the cost of your divorce. Many divorced couples find that they are free to pursue better earnings opportunities and keep more money in their pockets without interference from their former spouse. If you have always been a saver while your former spouse was a spendthrift, you will find it great to be able to enjoy more of a savings cushion. If you like to spend money as you see fit, you will love the freedom of not having to report every expenditure to your spouse. A Chance at New Love Remember what it was like when you fell in love with your spouse? Now you can recapture those feelings and experience those sparks of new love all over again. If the love has long been gone in your marriage, a divorce is a chance for you to recapture those feelings and feel your heart flutter again. Divorce is a fresh start. Write your next chapter today.

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Governor Signs New Law Promoting Divorce With Dignity

This week, Governor Chris Christie signed the NJ Family Collaborative Law Act, S-1224/A-1477 (Weinberg/Diegnan), empowering families to divorce with dignity and self-esteem, without resort to conventional litigation. Widely praised, the new bipartisan law passed all legislative committees and both Houses without a single ‘no’ vote. Passage of the new law was spearheaded by the New Jersey Council of Collaborative Practice Groups and its eight practice groups, consisting of hundreds of collaboratively trained professionals throughout New Jersey. This unified and cooperative effort to secure enactment of the new law was led by Council Co-Chairs Linda Piff, Esquire, Anna Maria Pittella, Esquire, and Shireen Meistrich, LCSW. Linda Piff, a national expert on collaborative law from Wall Township, said, “The new law will empower families to divorce with privacy and dignity and avoid the emotional and financial strain of conventional litigation. Collaborative law is a powerful idea whose time has come.” Council Co-Chair, Anna Maria Pittella, Esquire, a prominent collaborative law attorney from Red Bank, said, “This law creates an obligation on an attorney to focus solely on negotiations and to use problem solving skills to break an impasse. It provides for team building that is needed to address all three parts of any divorce: legal, financial, and emotional. The client disqualifies the attorney should the client wish to litigate.” Finally, Council Co-Chair, Shireen Meistrich, LCSW, and President-Elect of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals from Fair Lawn, said, “I truly believe that the collaborative process is an agent of social change as it has the ability to truly shift the way we think about conflict and how we resolve it.

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