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Law Offices of Laura M. D’Orsi

What Happens To Debt In A Divorce?

By Laura D’Orsi I have so many clients who don’t seem to understand what “marital debt” is. Marital debt is debt that is acquired during the marriage.  Clients assume that if they have credit cards in their name and their husband has credit cards in his name, then it is solely the debt of that party.  That is not always the case in a divorce. New Jersey, where I practice, is an equitable distribution state.  That means that the Judge has discretion as to how to distribute debt acquired during the marriage. There is a difference between secured debt and unsecured debt.  If one party will be receiving the house, it will be subject to the mortgage. Many clients don’t seem to understand that the “value” of the house is only the equity in the home, the value minus the debt.  Even though the house may seem like a great asset, the value may be minimal.  A house worth $600,000.00 but subject to a mortgage of $575,000.00 is only worth $25,000.00.  The house will come with the mortgage payment and other expenses attached to it.  If you think you may want to keep the house after your divorce, realize you will be responsible for paying the mortgage and other expenses each month. If the mortgage on the house is in joint names it will need to be refinanced after the divorce to the sole name of one of the parties.  That party will have to have the appropriate income and credit to be able to refinance that mortgage amount to his/ her sole name.  If alimony or child support will be paid, that will usually be considered by the mortgage company when completing the refinance.  It is important to make sure that you have credit or can obtain a loan when deciding to pursue a divorce.  Having employment helps. Car loans and leases also usually need to be refinanced.  If the wife is getting the Audi and the Husband is getting the Buick, they will also get the debt attached to that asset.  The loan related to the vehicle will need to be refinanced to each party’s name as well. With respect to unsecured debt, which is usually credit card debt, the Judge will usually look at the parties’ incomes, what the debt was used for, and if it was used for marital purposes, when deciding how to allocate it.  If the credit card debt was used to purchase a trip for one party and their girlfriend, plastic  surgery (breast enhancement close to the divorce filing date) or for a unilateral purchase by one party (a fur coat for a wife or a motorcycle or boat for the husband), it may be allocated to one party solely.  The timing of the purchase is also significant, the longer time has gone by since the purchase, the more likely it will be considered a marital obligation. Student loans of the Husband or Wife, are usually attributed to the party who took out the student loan, as it is assumed they will continue to reap the benefit of their education after the divorce.  This can become more cloudy if the parties pay off a student loan with a home equity line or marital funds. It is important to keep proofs of what happened with respect to debt acquired during the marriage.  Documents are usually only available for up to 7 years.   If you are contemplating divorce, consider contacting your credit card companies to obtain statements for the past 7 years.  Also, be careful about making debt in one person’s name a marital debt by moving it to joint names.  If your spouse tries to convince to you to take out a home equity loan to pay off their student loans, realize that you may be making this your joint obligation. If you are contemplating divorce, make sure you have at least one credit card in your name and that your credit is good.  Even if you are not planning on returning to the work force, you will need to be able to move utility and other accounts into your own name.  If you do not have any credit now is the time to build it up. The best way to protect yourself is before you get married.  It is best to have a prenuptial agreement that sets forth the rights and responsibilities of each party to debts.   If you are already married, it is important to learn about your family finances including the debts and obligations that you both have.  If you hide your head in the sand and pretend that it ok to be kept in the dark, you may awaken to a nightmare.

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Laura M. D’Orsi, Esq. Recognized in Super Lawyers 2018

Attorney, Laura M. D’Orsi has been recognized in the 2018 Super Lawyers list. Each year, lawyers nominate their peers for these prestigious lists. Candidates must then pass a rigorous selection process of evaluations based on indicators such as peer recognition and professional achievement in order to be named to the Super Lawyers list. Super Lawyers is an annual, state-by-state ranking of outstanding lawyers from more than 70 practice areas who have attained a high degree of peer recognition and professional achievement. Attorneys are selected using a rigorous, multiphase rating process that combines peer nominations and evaluations with independent research. Twelve indicators are used to highlight the elite performers in each practice area. The Super Lawyers designation was established to create a credible, comprehensive and diverse listing of outstanding attorneys and is used as a resource for both attorneys and consumers searching for legal counsel.

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10 Effective Strategies for Handling an Uncooperative Ex

Sometimes when parents divorce, they are forced to share custody of the children with a parent who is angry or bitter. The following strategies can help with this problem and don’t require any cooperation. Be available when the kids come to visit. Do not take that time for shopping, visits from friends, or any other chores that do not pertain to the children. Allow approximately an hour to sit down at the table so they can share their stories, complaints, and anything else they feel is important for you to know. Make sure you take care of yourself by getting regular exercise. You also want to ensure you are in good spirits emotionally by spending time with a good friend or therapist, writing in a journal, and working through any anger issues. You have to take care of your own basic needs first before you can take care of those of your children. Never judge the other parent within range of your child’s hearing. If you speak of your ex in a negative way where your child can hear he or she feels insulted. While adults see the separation between parent and child, the children do not. Save the judgments until you can vent them with a supportive listener. Use this time to prepare a neutral answer for the future when your children are old enough to ask why you got divorced. Never judge your children’s feelings but rather just be a good listener. If something happened at the home of the other parent, do not judge whether their feelings are right or wrong. There is no need for a resolution to the situation that is causing frustration. Don’t try to solve your children’s problems for them but instead teach them how to solve them on their own. Do not try to be a mediator for any problems they may be having with the other parent’s family. Have necessary clothing and personal items at each house. Do not use your children to deliver messages to the other parent or allow them to speak on your behalf. You also don’t want to ask them to keep secrets from the other parent because this puts them in the middle of an adult situation. Do not attempt to speak for the other parent when it comes to events that occur at the home of the other parent or things that may differ in the way each parent chooses to raise the children. Do not try to make your children feel guilty about loving the other parent. Give them the freedom to love both of you without fear or guilt. Create a family history that is full of happy memories. Reserve memories of happy times when you and your ex were still happy and share those with your children. This is especially important if the children were very young when you divorced and don’t have any recollection of those times.

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How to Reduce the Stress of Divorce

Choosing to divorce is never an easy decision regardless of how frustrated and unhappy you have become in your marriage. There are many strong emotions that emanate from both sides, so it is important to choose healthy alternatives in order to relieve the tension and reduce the amount of stress that is a natural part of divorce. The Initial Decision Once a couple makes the decision to legally end a relationship, a difficult and lengthy process follows. Even if there are no complex legal and financial matters involved, there is still a great deal of turmoil that affects everyone: grandparents, children, friends, and extended family. In all likelihood at least some family members will notice a decline in their standard of living while everyone will be faced with emotional challenges. Dealing with the Stress of Divorce Separation and divorce are two very painful life events and can cause a person to question everything that is part of his or her life. Some of the coping techniques you can use to take care of not only yourself but others include the following: Join a support group and consider mediation in order to reduce confrontations with your ex-spouse Avoid withdrawing from social settings Learn how to achieve a balance between giving and receiving Avoid guilt and negativity over what might have been Be sure to make time for yourself Avoid worrying what others might think Get rid of clutter in your environment Set priorities and create a schedule of tasks that need done and the order in which they are to be completed Return to school to improve your marketable skills if necessary Don’t allow your anger to drain your energy Do not have any fear of going out alone and meeting new people Divorce and Financial Issues Finances are the cause of a great deal of stress within many marriages; this is even more of a problem after a break up. Unfortunately, many divorces are actually preceded by problems with money. Once you are a single person again you will need to deal with all the financial matters—if your spouse handled that area of your relationship, you need to learn how to manage finances on your own. If necessary consult with a professional for advice on creating a realistic budget.

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Your Teenager and Your Pending Divorce

Divorce is never easy on anyone whether it be family or close friends. Those likely to be the most vulnerable at this time are teenagers, especially if the parents are frequently arguing or if there are allegations of infidelity. It’s essential to treat the subject in a way that will allow them to build and maintain deep and lasting future relationships rather than allowing the divorce to destroy them and ruin any possible lasting relationships. Approaching the Subject When you begin to realize your marriage is ending and divorce is a certainty, you know discussing the subject with your teenager is going to be extremely difficult. The task is hard enough when the children are younger, but with teenagers in the family you will find yourself faced with completely different questions. It is essential for parents to know the best way to approach the subject including how much to share. How Much Do They Need to Know? While it can be tempting to provide teenagers with more adult details because of their ages, this is not always the best idea. Even though they may have a better understanding of what divorce means, too many details can be even more burdensome for teenagers than it is for little ones who have no understanding of its meaning. There is no need to provide your teen the details of your separation; those should remain private. If the relationship is ending due to infidelity or unfaithfulness, both teenagers and other children should not be privy to this information. Some information related to the parents’ relationship with one another is not the business of the children. You only need to tell them that sometimes adults grow apart and are unable to maintain the close relationship they had at one time. Let them know your love for them is consistent and unconditional and will remain so. Helping Teenagers Move Forward Teenagers are at a very vulnerable time in their lives, the time when they are forming the entire foundation for all future relationships. The way you speak to and act toward your spouse will have a huge impact on these future relationships. These actions will help formulate your teen’s attitude toward romantic relationships, so you need to be able to place a boundary between how you feel toward your spouse and the way you project yourself as a parent. It can be damaging to your relationship with your teen if you make him or her feel the need to choose one parent over the other. You want to make a concentrated effort to share the divorce plans in a way that ensures your teen can move forward. Only you can guarantee your children can move forward and maintain a healthy attitude about love and relationships.

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What To Bring To Your First Meeting With A Divorce Lawyer

When you meet with a divorce lawyer for the first time it is essential to be prepared. This means you want to come to the meeting with the right tools in order to ensure a smooth process. There are several things you need to do before you appear for the first meeting. Some of those things are listed below. Documents to Bring with You When you meet with a divorce lawyer for the first time, there are some documents you need to assemble and bring with you to that initial consultation. The most important documents include the following: Tax returns (these are helpful in making a potential assessment for alimony and/or child support) All retirement plan details (this tends to be some of the largest assets and therefore is most likely to provide the most current view of your financial situation) All statements of bank balances and investments Prenuptial and/or post nuptial agreements Credit card statements Recent pay stubs for both parties in order to provide a current picture of family income Deeds to any real estate you own Prepare Notes Ahead of Time You will need to provide the lawyer with any essential information that relates to both your personal and business background before you meet for the first time. Make notes about any facts you believe are important in your case such as: A timeline of your marriage and the events that led to the decision to file for divorce Information about your children If applicable, information on previous marriages and divorces Most important issues in the divorce (timesharing/custody, property division, business assets, etc.) Any other issues that may have an impact on the divorce such as drug or alcohol abuse, physical or sexual abuse, criminal history, etc. In order to make sure you protect your privacy, you want to make sure you label each page of the timeline with the words “ATTORNEY – CLIENT PRIVILEGE INFORMATION.” This information should be in the lawyer’s hands prior to the first meeting in order to allow him or her to review it before your meeting and prepare accordingly.  Be Prepared with Questions During this initial meeting you have the opportunity to ask questions and get answers to any questions you have about your divorce. This is also the perfect chance to learn more about the lawyer and how he or she operates. You can ask about any relevant work experience the attorney has, the cost of the services you require, how the lawyer feels about the use of a mediator, and anything else that is important to you. Make a list of any and all questions and concerns that come into your mind. Even though you may be anxious about your future after the divorce, you can ease your mind when you prepare for the road that lies ahead. This begins with being confident and coming prepared to the first meeting with the divorce lawyer.

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Post Nuptial Agreements in New Jersey

While most people are familiar with prenuptial agreements, knowledge of the post nuptial agreement is not nearly as common. Yet, post nuptial agreements are becoming increasingly more popular as spouses seek to protect their individual assets, usually acquired following a change in circumstances, in the event of a divorce. Like a prenuptial agreement, the post nuptial agreement is a contract between spouses to protect individual assets as well as other rights. The primary difference is that the post nuptial agreement is entered into during the marriage whereas a prenuptial agreement is signed before a couple gets married. Typically, post nuptial agreements are used when one of the parties receives a financial windfall, such as inheritance, and wishes to protect that interest in the event of divorce. Reasons a Couple Might Obtain a Post Nuptial Agreement The couple wishes to revise the terms of their existing prenuptial agreement. The circumstances of one of the parties has changed significantly. This could be from a new job or promotion, inheritance or the sale of business. One of the parties wishes to provide for dependents from a prior relationship Their prenuptial agreement did not adequately define their financial relationship or equitable distribution of assets Requirements For Obtaining a Post Nuptial Agreement Both parties must enter into the agreement willingly and without coercion The agreement must be in writing The post nuptial must be notarized The agreement must be fair at the time it is made and when it is enforced. (Pacelli v. Pacelli, 319 N.J. Super. 185 (App. Div. 1999). The agreement must be entered into with full disclosure between the parties Over the last 10 years, postnups have been gaining in popularity. Family lawyers report a significant increase in requests for post nuptial contracts. These agreements are being requested both by husbands and wives and it is not always an indication of problems within the marriage. Many are simply viewing these contracts as wise financial planning. Post nuptial agreements tend to be more difficult to enforce in New Jersey than premarital agreements. While family courts tend to assume that a prenup is valid and enforceable, this is not always the case for post nuptial agreements because of a legal fiduciary duty to one another. This spousal fiduciary duty begins when they get married and continues until the divorce is final and marital assets are distributed. The courts wish to be certain that the contract was entered into without any duress, misrepresentation or coercion. New Jersey has one of the highest standards of fairness when it comes to post nuptial agreements. It is recommended that anyone who is considering a post nuptial agreement speak with an experienced family law attorney. Considering a Post Nuptial Agreement? Contact Laura D’Orsi today at (732) 741-3121 or click here to send an email to schedule a confidential consultation and learn more.

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When To Tell The Children About Divorce

One of the most difficult parts of the divorce process is breaking the news to your children. That is not to say there is anything that is easy about divorce, there isn’t. But for many, telling the children is the part which they dread the most. Everyone’s situation is going to be different and your particular circumstances may dictate when you tell the children. Depending on your current relationship with your spouse, the children may already have a feeling that something is wrong. If that is the case, you may feel the need to have this discussion with them sooner rather than later to avoid the anxiety associated with not knowing. If you can avoid it, it may be best to wait until there is a parenting plan in place. The children are going to have many questions and your ability to answer these questions will go a long way to giving them a sense of stability and security. The worry associated with uncertainty can sometimes make everything that much more difficult for children just like it does adults. By being prepared to answer these questions and show the children that mom and dad have made them a priority, you will be able to alleviate much of that stress. If you are going through the collaborative divorce process, the collaborative team is there to help you with both developing a parenting plan and understanding the best way to tell the children. The divorce coach and/or child specialist has extensive experience in these matters. Finally, plan a time to tell your children when you can do it together if at all possible. It is also important to ensure that there are no distractions and that you’ve chosen a safe and private place. It may be a very difficult and emotional conversation and no one wants to receive news like that in the presence of others. Also make sure that you have plenty of time to answer their questions and provide assurance that although mom and dad may be getting divorced, you will still be a family. You were not divorcing the children.

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Finding Your Peace

By Laura D’Orsi What brings you peace? Peace is a relative word. When we hear about what is going on in the world today, it can make us anxious. When we are facing something stressful in our personal life, it can create sleepless nights, weight loss and turmoil. For anyone going through a divorce, there is a great deal of stress and anxiety involved. I recommend that you not ignore this stress and anxiety but find ways to help control and deal with it as it will help you with the divorce process and your future. These are some of the issues my clients have dealt with and how I have responded. I feel so uncertain, I don’t know what will happen to me. When you feel uncertain about the divorce process or your future, you must remember that the only person you can “worry” about is you. We have no control over a spouse or what the spouse will do, we can only control what you do. If you are not employed, I would encourage you to seek employment. Even if you will be receiving alimony, it is always best to be in a situation where you have your own income coming in, so that if alimony or child support is late, you can put food on the table or pay your electric bill. It is not healthy to be totally dependent on another person and having your own paycheck coming in is a way to avoid this dependency. I can’t sleep at night, I can’t eat. If you are so stressed that the divorce is impacting your daily life, I encourage you to seek help. Again, divorce is a stressful time and many people need the help of a professional to assist them in the process. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. In fact, it is better to place yourself in the healthiest, best position possible. I work with many mental health professionals who are experienced at helping you through the process. Use them. That is what they are there for. I am so concerned about my children. Again, it is important for you to take care of yourself. See a doctor. Eat right. Exercise. Take up yoga or meditation. Do all the things to be the best parent that you can be. If you are at your best, this is what you will be for your children. Your best. What should I do with my life. A divorce is a great time for a life transition. Perhaps you want to go back to school or reenter the workforce. Maybe you have a wonderful idea for a business you have always wanted to start. Now is the time. I work with life coaches and career coaches who can help put you on the right track in making a transition. Where will I live. If you will have to sell your home and move, I encourage you to look at your options. Again, I suggest that they be affordable, where you can pay some or most of it without relying on alimony or child support from an ex spouse. Look at rentals or possible homes to purchase. Again, if you want to purchase a home, you will have to qualify for a mortgage and the mortgage providers will look at your income and the support you will be receiving. Know what your budget is and learn to stick with it. Save for a rainy day. If you are coming out of a marriage with savings, do not plan on using those savings to live. Keep them intact and only use the interest. I also encourage clients to speak to a Financial Advisor or Certified Financial Planner to help them in doing a budget, saving and planning for the future. Once you are divorced, your future will be in your own hands, and it is up to you to plan for it. Many older divorced men and women who received alimony after their divorce are now in devastating financial situations once the other spouse retires. You must plan for the future and that starts today.

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