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Law Offices of Laura M. D’Orsi

Signs Your Spouse is Considering Divorce

Many people are blindsided when their spouse announces they want a divorce. The news comes as a shock and can completely throw the unknowing spouse for a loop. There are, however, ways to tell if your marriage is headed for divorce. Look out for the red flags that your spouse is thinking of getting divorced. The Arguments Stop People often believe that arguing leads to divorce, but a lack of arguments often mean that your spouse has given up. An apathetic spouse who is indifferent to the normal marital problems is a huge sign that they are considering splitting up. Your Spouse Gets Nitpicky Soon those endearing little habits of yours become a constant source of annoyance to your spouse. She criticizes everything you do, and it seems like you can do nothing right. When a person has decided to leave a marriage, they are often impatient about having to stay with their current spouse. They are ready to move on but have not yet made plans. Your Spouse Pulls a Disappearing Act A spouse that is considering divorce may have a hard time simply being in the same space with their partner. They may spend more time at work, go out in the evenings or spend more time with other family or friends. If you are seeing less and less of your spouse, it may be a sign that he is headed for the door. A New Look Emerges One of the commonly overlooked signs that your partner is considering getting divorced is that she starts sporting a new look. She may change her hairstyle, start working out and dress up more. This is because your spouse is planning to get back on the dating scene. Don’t be caught unawares by your spouse’s divorce plans. Learn the signs and protect yourself.

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Keeping Your Sanity During Divorce

Having to a end marriage is never easy. At the end of your union, there may be a mix of emotions, from grief to fear and depression. Most of these feelings are unexpected, especially if you have never been through a divorce before. Even if the relationship had been over for years, the finality of divorce can shock you and leave you feeling lost. Keeping yourself emotionally healthy throughout this process is key to moving on after divorce. Keeping Your Sanity in a Divorce Many divorcing couples see the process as a knock down drag out fight to the death. If you get into this mindset, you are only going to make the process harder on yourself. If there are children involved, this attitude will destroy them. In a high conflict divorce, everyone loses. Understand the Signs of a High Conflict Divorce Even the most simple negotiations can become acrimonious in a high conflict divorce. If your former spouse is completely focused on “winning” or “beating you” in court, you may be in for a long battle. Unfortunately, the court process makes it harder for the spouse that simply wants to tie up all of the legal details and move on. Your spouse may intentionally drag out the proceedings, file frivolous petitions and use other dirty tricks to hurt you in court. If you see signs of this, hire a trusted attorney to represent your interests and that of any children involved. Get a Trusted  New Jersey Divorce Attorney If mediation and negotiation don’t work, hire an attorney that is ethical and will treat your case with dignity. If your attorney starts talking about ways to “destroy” your former spouse, run and find a new attorney. A lawyer who is more interested in winning than doing what is right for all parties will drain you both financially and emotionally. Remember that your lawyer makes the most money when you and your former spouse are in high conflict. There is really no incentive for your attorney to help you and your former spouse reach a quick and easy settlement. Some child custody cases can top $50,000 in legal fees—a handsome payout for the attorneys involved. Find an attorney who is interested in protecting your rights while resolving the case as quickly as possible. Get Professional Help and Support There is professional help for people who have gone through nasty divorces. These trained professionals have experience working with victims of trauma and can help you to sort through the issues that you may have faced in your divorce. There are also support groups available where you can meet other people who have been through the trauma of divorce. Move on With Life It can be easy to be stuck after a divorce. Many people are still focused on what went wrong in the marriage and what could have been done differently. Some people stop engaging in activities they once enjoyed. Others refuse to love anyone else or even make new friends. After your divorce it is important that you start living life again and allow yourself to feel happiness. Divorce can be a life changing process. Keeping your sanity through it takes deliberate effort. Find the right steps toward healing today.

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Dealing with a High Conflict Divorce

Ending a marriage is difficult and when the union ends both partners will have a mix of emotions, including depression, grief and fear. A percentage of people will never have suffered such powerful emotions until they divorced. The relationship may have been over for a number of years, but newly divorced people often feel shocked, lost and alone. The key to moving on after divorce is to keep oneself emotionally healthy. Remaining Sane during the Divorce Process Numerous divorcing couples enter the process as though it was a fight to the death, but those who adopt this attitude make the divorce process more challenging. Divorcing couples who have children should realize that the fighting approach will impact on the children. In this case everyone is considered a loser in a high contest divorce. Learn the Indicators of a High Conflict Divorce Simple negotiation can become bitter during high conflict divorces. When one party is bent on winning or beating the other in the divorce court, the battle may be excessively long and drawn out. Sadly, the divorce laws create difficulties for a spouse who simply wants to end the marriage, tie up the legalities and move on with life. It is common for one party to file petty petitions, which can lengthen the proceedings or to use underhand and hurtful methods to hurt their partner. Hire a Trusted Divorce Attorney If negotiation and mediation attempts fail it is time to hire an ethical divorce lawyer who will deal with the case respectfully. Attorneys who talk about destroying the other party should not be entertained, it is better to find a compassionate divorce lawyer who will look at the case from both sides of the fence. Lawyers who are solely interested in winning as opposed to doing what is right for all concerned leave their clients financially and emotionally drained. Remember, divorce lawyers stand to make a substantial amount of money from high conflict divorces. Attorneys who help divorcing couples to reach quick and easy settlements earn far less money. Certain child custody cases have been known to cost in excess of $50,000 in legal fees, hence the attorney involved achieves a handsome sum for his or her services. Seek Professional Support and Assistance Couples who are involved in a bitter divorce should seek professional help. Experienced professionals are trained to work with individuals who are traumatized by the divorce process and to help them to deal with issues every divorcee will face. Life after Divorce Recent divorcees tend to go through a period of reflection. It is all too easy to dwell and wonder what could have been done differently. A percentage of newly-divorced people stop engaging in activities they once loved and others are far too scared to form new friendships, let alone fall in love with someone else. However, one should be mindful that there is life after divorce. Remain in no doubt; divorce is a major step and a life-altering process. Couples who are divorcing often feel unable to cope and some feel robbed of their sanity. However, taking one step at a time aids the healing process and enables the person to regain their love of life.

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Signs Your Spouse May be Cheating

Suspecting your spouse of cheating can be devastating. The betrayal can cause deep emotional scars that are difficult to heal. Don’t be blindsided by a cheating partner. By spotting the red flags that your spouse may be cheating, you can prepare yourself to deal with the situation. Cheating is challenging. The cheating spouse has to essentially live two lives, and eventually she will slip up and reveal her deception. The cheater has to juggle dates with the spouse and the boyfriend, remember two sets of birthdays and keep the two from finding out about each other. There are common ways that most spouses slip up. -Phone secrecy If his phone rings and he immediately runs outside to take the call, it may be a sign of cheating. He won’t answer calls in your presence but will text. He may change his phone’s lock code or hide it from you. -Spouse has less money than usual Your spouse may be buying gifts or taking his mistress out on dates. This means he has less money than usual. Check bank statements for any suspicious purchases. -Spouse picks fights There may be two reasons for this. First, the spouse may be simply looking for an excuse to get out of the house. She may pick a fight, then storm out to “cool off.” This is simply a ruse to see the other person. The spouse may also be picking fights because they are annoyed at you. This one is hardest to accept. They may be annoyed that you are standing in the way of their new relationship. This usually happens when they start to fall in love with the other person. -You suspect cheating If the little voice in your head is telling you that something is not right with your spouse, you are probably right. Don’t ignore your intuition that something is fishy. Finding out your spouse is being unfaithful is never easy. Spot the red flags and get the confirmation you need.

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Divorce Advice to Ignore for Your Own Sanity

When you tell your friends and family that you are considering a divorce, you will be greeted with mixed reactions. Some will be relieved, others will be surprised, still others will try to talk you out of it. You will be bombarded with divorce advice. While most of it is well-meaning, there is some advice that you should take with a grain of salt, and some that you should absolutely ignore completely until you have talked with a qualified New Jersey divorce lawyer. Advice on Child Custody Well-meaning family members and friends might encourage you to fight for custody of your children or give you suggestions about time sharing arrangements. They may even advise you of ways to keep the child away from the other parent. Don’t follow any advice that suggests “destroying” the other parent or their relationship with the children. This will hurt everyone involved. People who suggest you fight for custody do so from a comfortable position. They don’t have to deal with attorney’s fees, conflicts, court appearances and the ensuing loss of trust with your former spouse. Trust your own instincts and take this advice with a grain of salt. Advice on Financial Settlements Family members often advise divorcing spouses to “take him to the cleaners” or to hide assets, freeze accounts or otherwise cripple the other partner financially. This will ultimately cost you, and is often an indication that there are unresolved feelings of anger and resentment bubbling under the surface. Take into account the motives of the people giving the advice. Did they suffer a bad divorce and still harbor ill feelings toward their former spouse? If so, they could be projecting those thoughts onto you. Follow your gut and work to come to a fair settlement and move on quickly. Thank your well-meaning friends and family for their advice but make your own decision. When you announce your split, you will get plenty of divorce advice, some good, some bad. Make the decisions that are right for you and your family and first and foremost discuss your options with a New Jersey divorce attorney.

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Finding the Right New Jersey Lawyer for Your Divorce

Getting a personal recommendation for a divorce lawyer will save you the heartache of getting a bad attorney. Most people know at least one person who has gone through a divorce, so reach out to anyone you know that can refer someone. If you can’t get a personal referral, check with the state Bar Association and find out if your potential attorney has ever had any complaints filed against him. Get to Know Him or Her Meet with your prospective attorney several times before hiring him to take your case. Divorce lawyers have different styles of handling cases, and it is important to make sure that your lawyer’s personality matches your goals. If you have a difficult spouse who is hiding assets and wants to make the case challenging, you may need a “bulldog” attorney who will fight aggressively. If, on the other hand, there are children involved in the process, an aggressive lawyer can be the wrong choice. He may choose to fight instead of settle, which increases the tension and the damage to the children. Beware of a lawyer who threatens to “take him to the cleaners,” or “destroy her life.” Divorce lawyers get paid more when there is more disagreement and conflict. Find an ethical attorney who will settle your case quickly and allow you to move on. When it comes to hiring an attorney for your divorce, getting the right one for your case is crucial.

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The Top Factors that Lead to Divorce

With the numbers of couples divorcing reaching staggering figures, many people wonder what causes spouses to split. Studies have shown that there are several common reasons for couples to seek out divorce. Lack of Commitment Many people marry without understanding the amount of commitment that it takes to remain married. They may marry on a whim or out of loneliness. Either way, when the sparks stop flying, these couples may decide to go their separate ways and divorce. Money Money can represent power in many relationships, and if there is an imbalance in power, it can lead to conflict. Couples in which one spouse significantly out earns the other can mean an increased risk of divorce. If there is a lack of money in the relationship, the stress that comes along with financial instability can lead to divorce. Children Surprisingly, the presence of children can sink a marriage. Having children brings with it the added responsibility of caring for others as well as the financial burdens of providing for them. This can lead to added stress, and eventual divorce. Marital discord is high for couples with young children and teenagers—the two age groups that need the most attention. Unmet Expectations Many couples have differing expectations about the partner’s role in the marriage. If she thinks that the couple should share domestic duties and he wants a traditional wife that takes care of all of the cooking and cleaning, there will be stress when each one tries to force the other into their expected role. Lack of Intimacy Some couples simply stop touching each other. They forget to hold hands, give hugs and spontaneously kiss each other before leaving for work. Couples that don’t maintain sexual and non-sexual intimacy are often at high risk for divorce. Understanding the major factors that lead to divorce can help you to save your marriage and live harmoniously with your partner.

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Helping Your Children Through Your Divorce

When it comes time to split with your spouse, you may be wondering how it will affect the children. If you have decided that there is no way that you can continue your marriage, the most important thing that you can do is to protect your children from the ultimate damage that divorce can bring. Seek Out Mediation First Divorcing spouses who have been taken through the court process can find it nearly impossible to co-parent afterward. The traditional court process will pit one parent against the other, encouraging them to fight to the death or risk losing their relationship with the children. This not only damages the parents but the children as well. Mediation is the no-conflict alternative. With a mediator, you can discuss your needs with the other parent in a non-adversarial manner and come to an agreement that everyone can live with. The decreased costs of mediation also mean that families can avoid spending their children’s college fund on attorneys. Tell the Kids Don’t hide the fact that you are divorcing from your children. They will find out eventually, and keeping information from them will simply cause them to come to their own conclusions. This can lead to misunderstandings and feelings that they have caused the situation. Tell all of the children at the same time so that none of the children feels responsible for keeping secrets from the others. Use age-appropriate language and reassure them that it is not their fault that you two are splitting. Children want to know if  they will have to change schools or move to a new home. Address their concerns honestly and openly. When it comes to divorcing when you have children, the key is to get through the process as quickly and minimize the damage to the children. Find professional help today.

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Moving on With Your Life After Divorce

Divorce can be a painful process. If the split was mutual and there are no major issues to work out, it can be a simple process that allows you to go on with your life quickly. If the split is acrimonious with issues such as child custody, alimony and division of assets, it can be an emotional upheaval. Getting help getting through divorce is the key to surviving this process and moving on with your life. Expect to Experience Grief Even if the relationship has been broken for years, there is still a grief process when it eventually ends. This grief can come from a loss of social support, companionship and financial stability. It can also come from the loss of the hopes and dreams that you had for your life. Expect to experience anger, denial, sadness and frustration. Understand that you will eventually accept the reality of your marital split and move on. When you do move on from your divorce, you will be able to find happiness once again, either in the form of activities you enjoy or in a new partner. Getting Through Divorce The first step in getting through divorce is to minimize the damage. If you can work out issues with your former spouse through mediation, try that first. It is less adversarial and more cost effective than litigation. It is also much quicker, and can resolve your case in weeks instead of years. Get Support You may need extra support during this time in your life. Reach out to friends and family that can give you emotional and moral support. There are also professionals that are experienced in working with people who have been through divorce. Don’t go it alone. Find someone to talk to who can comfort you. Divorce is rarely quick or painless. Get help to get through it and move on with your life.

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Finding Happiness After Divorce

Going through a divorce can be emotionally taxing. Everyone expects their marriage to stand the test of time, so when it doesn’t, it can be a blow to the ego and to the heart. There is, however, hope for hearts that have been broken by a marital split. Finding Happiness After Divorce Finding happiness after you have been divorced will take deliberate effort. You have to make a commitment and promise to yourself to be happy. If your split was not a mutual decision, it can be a challenge to allow yourself to be happy again. Make a commitment each day to find something to be happy about. Get Active The best way to find happiness after a divorce is to get out there and start living again. Reach out to old friends, take a much needed vacation and embark on your dream career. While it may feel comforting to just stay at home and cut off all social contact after you have been divorced, getting out and being active will help you to find joy in the day to day of life. Get Healing If the marriage and divorce were particularly bad, you may need some professional help to heal from the trauma. Many recently divorced people seek out therapy and counselors to deal with the stress of a marital split. There are well-trained and qualified professionals that specialize in post-divorce counseling. Find one who will listen to your concerns and address them with caring, understanding and dignity. Divorce is rarely easy. Finding happiness after your split from your spouse requires diligent effort. Get out of the house, eat right, get regular exercise and start meeting people. You will find friends that have also been through divorce and an ongoing source of support to help you find happiness again.

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