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Divorce

Post Nuptial Agreements in New Jersey

While most people are familiar with prenuptial agreements, knowledge of the post nuptial agreement is not nearly as common. Yet, post nuptial agreements are becoming increasingly more popular as spouses seek to protect their individual assets, usually acquired following a change in circumstances, in the event of a divorce. Like a prenuptial agreement, the post nuptial agreement is a contract between spouses to protect individual assets as well as other rights. The primary difference is that the post nuptial agreement is entered into during the marriage whereas a prenuptial agreement is signed before a couple gets married. Typically, post nuptial agreements are used when one of the parties receives a financial windfall, such as inheritance, and wishes to protect that interest in the event of divorce. Reasons a Couple Might Obtain a Post Nuptial Agreement The couple wishes to revise the terms of their existing prenuptial agreement. The circumstances of one of the parties has changed significantly. This could be from a new job or promotion, inheritance or the sale of business. One of the parties wishes to provide for dependents from a prior relationship Their prenuptial agreement did not adequately define their financial relationship or equitable distribution of assets Requirements For Obtaining a Post Nuptial Agreement Both parties must enter into the agreement willingly and without coercion The agreement must be in writing The post nuptial must be notarized The agreement must be fair at the time it is made and when it is enforced. (Pacelli v. Pacelli, 319 N.J. Super. 185 (App. Div. 1999). The agreement must be entered into with full disclosure between the parties Over the last 10 years, postnups have been gaining in popularity. Family lawyers report a significant increase in requests for post nuptial contracts. These agreements are being requested both by husbands and wives and it is not always an indication of problems within the marriage. Many are simply viewing these contracts as wise financial planning. Post nuptial agreements tend to be more difficult to enforce in New Jersey than premarital agreements. While family courts tend to assume that a prenup is valid and enforceable, this is not always the case for post nuptial agreements because of a legal fiduciary duty to one another. This spousal fiduciary duty begins when they get married and continues until the divorce is final and marital assets are distributed. The courts wish to be certain that the contract was entered into without any duress, misrepresentation or coercion. New Jersey has one of the highest standards of fairness when it comes to post nuptial agreements. It is recommended that anyone who is considering a post nuptial agreement speak with an experienced family law attorney. Considering a Post Nuptial Agreement? Contact Laura D’Orsi today at (732) 741-3121 or click here to send an email to schedule a confidential consultation and learn more.

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When To Tell The Children About Divorce

One of the most difficult parts of the divorce process is breaking the news to your children. That is not to say there is anything that is easy about divorce, there isn’t. But for many, telling the children is the part which they dread the most. Everyone’s situation is going to be different and your particular circumstances may dictate when you tell the children. Depending on your current relationship with your spouse, the children may already have a feeling that something is wrong. If that is the case, you may feel the need to have this discussion with them sooner rather than later to avoid the anxiety associated with not knowing. If you can avoid it, it may be best to wait until there is a parenting plan in place. The children are going to have many questions and your ability to answer these questions will go a long way to giving them a sense of stability and security. The worry associated with uncertainty can sometimes make everything that much more difficult for children just like it does adults. By being prepared to answer these questions and show the children that mom and dad have made them a priority, you will be able to alleviate much of that stress. If you are going through the collaborative divorce process, the collaborative team is there to help you with both developing a parenting plan and understanding the best way to tell the children. The divorce coach and/or child specialist has extensive experience in these matters. Finally, plan a time to tell your children when you can do it together if at all possible. It is also important to ensure that there are no distractions and that you’ve chosen a safe and private place. It may be a very difficult and emotional conversation and no one wants to receive news like that in the presence of others. Also make sure that you have plenty of time to answer their questions and provide assurance that although mom and dad may be getting divorced, you will still be a family. You were not divorcing the children.

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Finding Your Peace

By Laura D’Orsi What brings you peace? Peace is a relative word. When we hear about what is going on in the world today, it can make us anxious. When we are facing something stressful in our personal life, it can create sleepless nights, weight loss and turmoil. For anyone going through a divorce, there is a great deal of stress and anxiety involved. I recommend that you not ignore this stress and anxiety but find ways to help control and deal with it as it will help you with the divorce process and your future. These are some of the issues my clients have dealt with and how I have responded. I feel so uncertain, I don’t know what will happen to me. When you feel uncertain about the divorce process or your future, you must remember that the only person you can “worry” about is you. We have no control over a spouse or what the spouse will do, we can only control what you do. If you are not employed, I would encourage you to seek employment. Even if you will be receiving alimony, it is always best to be in a situation where you have your own income coming in, so that if alimony or child support is late, you can put food on the table or pay your electric bill. It is not healthy to be totally dependent on another person and having your own paycheck coming in is a way to avoid this dependency. I can’t sleep at night, I can’t eat. If you are so stressed that the divorce is impacting your daily life, I encourage you to seek help. Again, divorce is a stressful time and many people need the help of a professional to assist them in the process. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. In fact, it is better to place yourself in the healthiest, best position possible. I work with many mental health professionals who are experienced at helping you through the process. Use them. That is what they are there for. I am so concerned about my children. Again, it is important for you to take care of yourself. See a doctor. Eat right. Exercise. Take up yoga or meditation. Do all the things to be the best parent that you can be. If you are at your best, this is what you will be for your children. Your best. What should I do with my life. A divorce is a great time for a life transition. Perhaps you want to go back to school or reenter the workforce. Maybe you have a wonderful idea for a business you have always wanted to start. Now is the time. I work with life coaches and career coaches who can help put you on the right track in making a transition. Where will I live. If you will have to sell your home and move, I encourage you to look at your options. Again, I suggest that they be affordable, where you can pay some or most of it without relying on alimony or child support from an ex spouse. Look at rentals or possible homes to purchase. Again, if you want to purchase a home, you will have to qualify for a mortgage and the mortgage providers will look at your income and the support you will be receiving. Know what your budget is and learn to stick with it. Save for a rainy day. If you are coming out of a marriage with savings, do not plan on using those savings to live. Keep them intact and only use the interest. I also encourage clients to speak to a Financial Advisor or Certified Financial Planner to help them in doing a budget, saving and planning for the future. Once you are divorced, your future will be in your own hands, and it is up to you to plan for it. Many older divorced men and women who received alimony after their divorce are now in devastating financial situations once the other spouse retires. You must plan for the future and that starts today.

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How to Restart Your Life After Your Divorce

By Laura M. D’Orsi, Esq. If you are recently divorced, you may be recovering from the shell shock of what you just went through over the past months or years. The following is a guide to steps that can be taken to restart your life after your divorce. A. Review your divorce agreement and make sure you are in compliance with what is required, make sure that you have received all of the assets you are to receive in the divorce and that the appropriate Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (“QDROs”) are being drafted, that the life insurance is in place and that all deeds have been prepared, car title has been transferred and accounts have been transferred/ closed. B. Have your accountant review your divorce agreement to ensure that you are properly withholding for your taxes, if you are receiving or paying alimony. If you do not withhold taxes and you are receiving alimony, you will have to pay a significant sum on April 15 the year after you receive your first alimony payment. C. Review your expenses and come up with a budget. Make sure that you require all of the regular expenses that you pay. If you require more funds, consider increasing deductibles so that you have more expendable income. Review your cellular phone and home internet/ cable bill, and other bills, and determine if you need all of the services provided. Cut back where appropriate. D. Obtain new health insurance, car insurance and life insurance immediately after your divorce, if you no longer have these types of insurances. E.Meet with a financial planner to review the assets that you own and the liabilities that you have. Be aware of what you have, what you owe and what you are entitled to under your divorce agreement. F. Meet with an attorney and have a new will, Power of Attorney and Living Will prepared on your behalf. G. Review your employment situation. If you are not employed, consider obtaining employment to supplement any alimony/ child support that you might receive. Again, review your divorce agreement to ensure that the fact that you are working will not impact the terms of the agreement. H. Make sure you have changed all beneficiaries for your life insurance, pensions, annuities, accounts, and 401K plans, if you are not required to maintain your former spouse as the beneficiary of these policies/ plans. I. Make sure all of the utility bills are in your own name, and remove your former spouses from the utility bills. Make sure all joint credit cards are closed and remove former spouse from same. You also may want to obtain a credit report to verify that all joint accounts are closed. J. Change passwords for accounts and email accounts, including Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. K. Plan a day out where you can enjoy your new found life. This could be a day at the beach, a spa day or a day in the city or at a ball game.

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10 Tips for Reentering the Workforce after Divorce

Consider the following tips as you attempt to launch your new lifestyle: 1. Do some things that appear unrealistic. As you begin your new life as a single person/mom there will be plenty of opportunities for doing things that are completely realistic. Don’t let others sway your thoughts with negative comments. 2. Think of yourself as a legend. Since you are starting over, this is the perfect opportunity to take your career in a different direction. Nothing says you have to seek the same kind of job you performed before you got divorced. This is a good time to think of all the types of jobs you used to think of doing. 3. Picture yourself as a person who can do it all. If you think as a person who is fearful and cautious, you may find yourself willing to accept the first job offer you have even if it isn’t what you really want. Instead, see yourself as confident and proactive. 4. Look at the big picture and don’t limit your scope when it comes to job opportunities. You may not be offered the position for which you originally applied, but HR may offer you another one. 5. Go after what you want. Imagine yourself as a powerful woman and take aim to achieve what your heart desires. 6. Have a multi-faceted plan for your job search. Don’t limit yourself to just checking listings and sending out resumes. Be creative in your search and don’t leave any stones unturned. 7. Don’t worry needlessly about your resume. While you certainly need a resume, it is probably not the factor that will get you the interview or the job. If you are having a problem and find you can’t move forward because of your resume, set up a profile at Linkedin.com. Even minimal information will help you build a network of contacts. 8. Do not underestimate your technical skills. Even if you don’t feel completely comfortable with computers, don’t overlook a good job. Instead look for cheap or free classes that teach the basic skills. 9. Network as any mother would by using LinkedIn, friends, family, and professional associations. Do whatever you need to do in order to build your courage and contacts. 10. Visualize what you want in your life and where you would like to see yourself in 5-10 years. Hold on to your vision for the future.

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Keeping Your Divorce Private

In this day and age of social media it seems the concept of privacy has taken a backseat to complete transparency. People voluntarily put their lives on display as they share nearly every moment on social sites like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. In addition, it has never been easier or been considered as socially acceptable to publicly air images, opinions and even details regarding the personal matters of other people with the world. It is no longer only the lives of the rich and famous that are constantly at risk of becoming objects of public scrutiny. It can happen to anyone at anytime. But there are some matters that simply should remain private and confidential. Divorce is one of them. The traditional litigated divorce process is, by its adversarial nature, not conducive to privacy. This was true long before the rise of social media and is only further complicated by it today. Financial information, sworn statements involving allegations of bad behavior, assets and other private information can become part of the court record and thereby public record.  Both personal and professional reputations, extended family relationships and even people’s businesses can be damaged by the fall out of a messy public divorce. While there are a number of ways to keep your divorce private, the collaborative divorce process is an effective option with a number of other benefits as well. Protecting Privacy With Collaborative Divorce Collaborative divorce has become a popular alternative to traditional divorce for families who value their privacy and want to protect their children from the collateral damage that can be done when one’s personal and financial details become public information. In the collaborative process personal information stays within the confines of the divorcing couple and the collaborative team. Negotiation takes place in a safe and private forum. Only the final divorce agreement becomes part of the public court record. Another advantage of  keeping divorce out of the court system is that the couple maintains control over the timetable. This can eliminate months of delay waiting on court dates. Less time spent waiting on court dates often leads to a faster resolution and less money spent on legal fees. Divorce is hard enough without having to worry about having the private details of your personal and professional life being made available to the public. If privacy is important to you and your family take the time to learn more about collaborative divorce. Contact Laura D’Orsi today at (732) 741-3121 to schedule a confidential consultation and learn more about your options.

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Helping Your Child Cope with Divorce

With the high divorce rate in the 21st century, thousands of children are forced to endure the stress of divorce every year. Some cope better with divorce than others depending on their personalities, ages, and the circumstances that preceded the parents’ separation. The Best Ways to Help Your Child Divorce will affect all children in one way or another with the initial reaction often being one of frustration, anger, worry, sadness, or shock. On the other hand children can emerge from the divorce better able to handle stress and could possibly even become young adults who are quite flexible and tolerant. There are several very important things the parents need to do in order to help the children cope with the events of the divorce such as: Avoiding arguments, visible conflict, and any legal discussions in front of the children Ensure all disruptions to the children’s daily routines are minimal Avoid showing any negativity or assignment of blame in front of the children—discuss those things in private therapy sessions or with friends when you are away from the home Make sure both parents remain involved in the children’s lives Avoid using your children as a support system—they should not be involved in any personal issues with your ex Be Honest with the Children One of the most important things you can do for your children is to be honest with them and let them know about your decision to separate as soon as you make a definite decision. The news won’t be easy to break, but one thing you don’t want to do is allow anger, blame, or guilt to enter into the conversation. Take time to practice telling the children so you can avoid becoming angry or upset. If your children fail to react right away, impress upon them their reaction is fine, and you will talk to them whenever they are willing to open up. Some children believe they will please their parents if they try to deny any feelings of anger or sadness when finding out their parents will no longer be living together. Regardless of the reaction of the children to the separation and divorce, they need you to be honest with them about the changes that will take place in their daily lives. They will depend on you to ease their fears and reassure them they were not to blame.

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Surviving New Jersey Divorce

Divorce is very difficult no matter how unhappy the marriage may have been. Those who are directly involved experience a great many different feelings and may even feel sadness, especially if there are children involved. Sometimes the only way to cope with the associated feelings is by joining a divorce support group. Coping with the Feelings Anyone going through a divorce may experience a variety of different emotions that might include anger, grief, and confusion. In addition to all the overwhelming emotions, there are both legal and financial issues with which they must deal. When you add the additional problems of shared custody, visitation, and child support it can create quite a burden. This is an area in which a divorce support group can be quite invaluable. A divorce support group provides a means of moral support for those who are going through the process of separation and pending divorce. What makes these groups so helpful is everyone who attends the support group is experiencing the same thing and is therefore able to provide moral support as well as practical advice. Sometimes becoming involved with the right group can make the difference between a person struggling without help or having the help necessary for him or her to take control of the entire situation at hand. Finding a Divorce Support Group Anyone who is looking for a support group will find a great many helpful resources. The best divorce support group is one that makes an individual feel comfortable enough to discuss any issues with which that person is uncomfortable without worrying about whether anyone is listening. The best way to find the right group is by attending several different ones before making a final decision. When you attend divorce support groups you can communicate with people who can help you create the best possible situation for your children not just during the divorce but afterward as well. They will help you focus on the interests of your children over both a short-term and long-term period of time. Benefits of a Divorce Support Group Divorce creates a lot of emotions, and many people have a difficult time dealing with and controlling the emotions associated with the process. Divorce support groups will help you set goals that will be beneficial to the children and help you learn to focus on their interests and needs instead of on your emotions and all the things that irritate you about your ex. Everyone in the support group will initially be strangers to you. It may be difficult to enter into a group that consists of members who already know each other, so you may want to choose a start up group instead of an existing one. You may also want to decide whether you want to sit in on a group with only one gender or both. Some people may not feel comfortable in a mixed group. There are several benefits of attending a divorce support group that include: Ability to discuss your emotions and situation with people who are in a similar situation Shows you how others are handling their children and will provide you with ideas and solutions you might find useful when it comes to dealing with daily problems with your children Support groups can help you learn how to ease the disappointment your family members may feel regarding your divorce Sharing your emotions will help you feel appreciated for your courage Support group members will help you understand the financial challenges divorce will present and help you learn how to handle them You will learn about your rights in the state where you live Group members will drill you about the importance of not signing any papers before consulting with a divorce lawyer You will receive encouragement in the process of building new relationships Don’t wait to become involved in a divorce support group. You should begin looking as soon as you and your spouse make the decision to end your marriage. How to Find Divorce Support Groups No matter where you live there are likely to be thousands of divorce support groups in your area. It’s easy enough to find one that meets your needs by talking to friends who have been divorced and visited a divorce support group. Talking to someone who is familiar with one of these groups is the easiest way to find one that meets your needs and makes you feel comfortable. If you don’t have any friends who are divorced—or at least none who have felt the need to join a divorce support group—there are other resources you can use such as: Searching the internet Conducting a search under various government agencies and community services organizations Obtain a recommendation from your attorney Seek a referral from either your church or a social worker Getting through a divorce is a very heartbreaking and painful experience, but finding a compassionate and helpful divorce support group can make the process easier and more bearable. This begins with learning how to choose the support group that makes you feel comfortable and meets your individual needs.

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6 Ways to Keep Communication Open After Divorce

Far too often the past can rear its ugly head in the middle of a conversation – but it’s important to remember that bringing up disagreements and discussions aren’t beneficial to anyone. In fact, making the decision to discuss only the children can alleviate the stress from both parties. Determine the best contact methods If you’re both known for blowing up over the phone, stay clear of this method of contact until you can both learn to talk politely. Take the time to determine which type of contact is going to work well for both of you – whether that’s email, phone, text message or social media. Discuss as adults not with children Don’t include your children in your communication – especially if you might say something disparaging about your ex. As a parent, you need to make the decision to have open communication with your partner – which shouldn’t include your children under any circumstance. Take a breather If your contact is getting you agitated, make sure you take the time to separate and collect your thoughts before continuing the conversation. Many times, parenting needs to be about give or take, not about trying to make the other parent look bad. Take the time to discuss important matters privately – without your children around. Have a third party While a third party can make things seem like a cat and mouse game, for parents who simply can’t see eye-to-eye, it can be a useful tool in learning to communicate together. Ask a mutual friend to sit down with the two of you and help the conversation progress to a resolution. Do not use this if you believe either partner wants to play “right and wrong”. Learn to let go Many times, old emotions can be hard to move past – especially if the divorce is still raw. While you’re entitled to feel hurt, it’s not beneficial to your children. Pretend that your ex is simply a co-worker who’s trying to parent your children effectively and don’t stray from that communication.

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